Fall down, go Boom!

Well I fell off the wagon (so to speak). I didn’t track Saturday’s calories, but I had planned that. Within reason, I allow myself one day a week without tracking every single thing. That doesn’t mean I can eat whatever I want, it means I am giving myself enough responsibility and trust (flexibility) to not have to write it in, believing that I’ll have enough knowledge of what is good and not.

Believe it or not I did good Saturday. It was Sunday, and Monday where I failed. I just didn’t feel like tracking things, I ate more than I should have because I “could”. The end result is today on weigh in day, I gained the three pounds back that I had worked so hard last week to lose. Sigh

So today I started at lunch, tracking everything I’ve eaten so far today. My max caloric intake is 2300 in order to lose 1 pound a week and so far today I’m at 1700 already (I had hoped for two pounds a week which means only 1800 calories a day).

I have a dentist appointment today to have a crown put on a broken tooth (yuck). So eating tonight will be soup. I’ll put in the calories as best as I can, but its soup from Panera. As long as I don’t exceed 2800 (absolute maximum, which means I wont lose but I wont gain), I’ll allow this today. But tomorrow we start again.

I slept for 8 hours last night for the first time in a long time. It was largely due to M’s urging that I go to the bedroom to “cool off” (I was sweating; menopause will do that to you). He knew I needed sleep and he was right. The minute I hit the bed, I was out. That was at 9:30pm. I’m going to try and do that more often. It just feels to me like I’m wasting time since I have to be up at 5am in the morning and then doing the same thing all week long. I’ll have to just deal with it. There is no way around it. For now, that’s my schedule and denying my body much needed sleep isn’t going to change it. It will just make me depressed and more liable to eat more because every little thing that comes up will bother me.

I really DO want to lose weight. I can’t stand the weight on my thighs, the pain I feel when getting up etc. I don’t understand why when I DO want to lose it, I can’t find or keep the motivation to just do it? It seems like it should be such an easy concept.

Well I will dust myself off and try again. Maybe the habits will stick this time. I sure hope so.