About me; Chapter 1

Hello,

You’ve stumbled upon my online home. I can’t promise anything worthwhile in here. But you’re welcome to read as I go along if you like and get to know me through my words.

At my worst weight, I was 364 pounds. I’m 35 (almost 36) and am 5’7”. I recently had surgery, a major operation to remove cancer. That surgery cost me dearly in many ways internally. The one upside of the surgery (not cancer related) is that it helped me start on a weight loss of 30 pounds. Since September of 2006, up until now (I still fluctuate on the last 30 pounds daily) I’ve lost almost 40 pounds. But I’ve hit a plateau.

I don’t remember when I was “fat” I just know I am now, and looking back can see that I have been for some time. The last time I can look back and say “I wasn’t fat” was when I was about 18. I’ve always been chubby, and I was fine with that. Health wise wearing a size 18 instead of a 12 didn’t bother me. I had no energy problems and no health problems.

My weight problems even though they didn’t really surface until my teens, started when I was a little girl. I was adopted. My birth mother denied me food and so it was when I came to my adopted mother, I began to hoard food. I was afraid it would never return. I probably over ate even back then, but I was very active so it wasn’t noticed.

I’ve never been the “popular” kid. I never fit into a group of people whose only motivation in life was to look beautiful for popularity’s sake. I wasn’t a slob either. I was somewhere in between. Once I graduated from high school we moved to a different place. The people were nicer albeit snottier (richer), but at least they were nicer.

I went to college, met a few guys, got serious with one… And then in my freshman year of college my sister died. I was no stranger to death, having lost my soul mate; my grandmother just 10 years earlier and several friends along the way too. But her death had a profound effect on me. I couldn’t function. I didn’t go to work for weeks; my then fiancé did all my papers for school for me because I couldn’t think. All I could do was keep on eating.

That was the start.