Confusion ARGH!

So one website says to maintain my current weight I need to take in 3348 (yes, I'm a big girl). But another says 2850. Um that's 500 calories right there!!

So in light of this, I've decided to take the lower intake and modify my plans accordingly. This means I can only eat a total of 1850 calories to lose two pounds of weight a week. I do it this way because then if I slip and want a piece of chocolate or a latte I have 500 calories to play with and still be able to lose at least one pound a week.

I feel pretty confident about this. It's been going well so far and I can only hope it continues. Very soon, I will add consistent walking back into my regimen. For now, I'm walking more (parking farther away etc) and allowing my knee which has suddenly decided to plague me, to get better before I go back to 15-30 min walks everyday.

I was a bit dismayed to get on the scale today and have gained two pounds :( I tried to be very good last night, but the dinner I planned I just didn't want. So I had breakfast stuff, which I continued to list in my fitday program. It showed me just slightly higher than that 1000 cal decrease, so by all rights, I should at least weigh what I weighed before... So I hope that this major drop in caloric intake will put me back to at least the three pounds I lost.

It helps that I slept last night for 7 hours. That's the most sleep I've gotten in a long time. I'm awake, less depressed, and able to manage my hunger pains. It also helps that I can wear my iPod at work. I've loaded it with meditation music things as well as current music providing a nice variety. I'm such a creature of music. It really helps to have that constant musical background, especially when I get stressed and want to eat. It proves to be a good diversion.

Enjoy your Friday :)

Thursday

I've been watching my calories now for three days, and I've lost 3 pounds. I know that's mostly (if not all) water weight, but on a whim last night I weighed myself. I had not gained a single pound! So I've kept it off despite eating. I'm very happy for that.

Today is a low food day. I have a hard time watching my calories with the food I have in my house. It's mainly pastas and such so the caloric intake is high with very small portions. But until I get more money I can't afford to go out and buy new stuff. So I have to make do with what I have. Wish me luck.

So far so good today: 1 cup of yogurt this morning with flax seeds, as much coffee as I wanted (yes, with cream and sugar, I wont scrimp here.), soup and some meat (no bread) for lunch.

I've also been trying to slow down my eating time. Normally due to work and such I wolf it down very quickly. but I'm actually counting when I chew as a means to slow down and let it process. For people that have had surgery, this is one area they cannot pass up. They are required to eat their meals over a period of 30-60 minutes. While I'm not there yet, I'm trying to make it at least 20 instead of 5.

We'll see how it goes when I do my offical weight Monday morning (april 30th). Hopefully I'll still have at least got the three pounds I lost kept off.

Weight loss & Promises not kept

A year ago I made myself a promise. A promise I didn’t uphold. I was reaching a point medically where I knew something was wrong but hadn’t really begun the journey that led me yet to find out about my cancer. I knew however that everything started with weight loss. So I told myself:

“I’ll give myself one year. If in that one year I am not at least on a good track towards losing weight, I will have surgery to finally end this struggle.”

Man how time flies?

A year later, having been diagnosed with cancer and having a very expensive surgery to save my life, I find that this promise made, had been forgotten about. So what do we do when we fail? We try again. Armed with the tools listed below, and a motivation that I hope remains (accelerated due to the 40lbs lost after my surgery), I endeavor again to continue on a path of weight loss.

We begin today. Starting today I will make the same promise, slightly extended to be healthy.

"By 9-21-2008, I will lose xxx amount of pounds. "

Wish me luck.
~*~

So, I’ve found some really great sites to help me lose weight. I’ll try to list them all so you can benefit from them too.

The Lose Weight Diet – An informational, basic, easy to understand site on weightloss. They provided for me the formula with which I learned how many calories LESS I need to eat per day to lose two pounds a week. Also full of good links to other sites like calorie calculators etc.

Urban legends; 8 Glasses of water per day - Interesting article on the myth surrounding the 8 glasses of water per day. I still follow this rule (because I’m dieting and it helps me stay full) but nonetheless an interesting read.

Traineo – A very nice site, free, which allows you to track loss, have motivators; people to support you (of your choice), keep your information private and did I mention free?

The Hackers Diet – For those of a more technical nature, this is where I started my journey today. This has some good approach ideas (for me anyway) but also has some good computerized tips too for all those computer geeks ;) (like me!)

Log your weight – A cool little script that works with Excel in keeping track of your weight. You can follow the instructions and have this run everyday automatically for you or just do it manually. Puts the numbers in Excel and lets you see the progress.

Mindless Eating – I didn’t really go through this whole site, but I did take the Mindless Eating quiz. It is full of information you might not normally think of. Worth a read for sure.

Calorie King – A very informative site providing calories and nutrient information for just about any food you can eat.
And the best site I came across today.

FitDay – a nice site that allows you to track daily your caloric and nutrient intake. You can purchase the PC version for $29.95, ($19.95 with discount after creating a free online account). I’ve used it today and WOW was I surprised at the food I had already consumed this morning and what it meant as far as planning the rest of my day out. I HIGHLY recommend this site to folks. It makes tracking and calculating a snap (which is what I need).

Carpe Diem

What next...

I don’t know why I shared my entire history here, a public place no doubt. But it’s validating in some way I think. A lot of that past still lingers about me like ghosts whispering to me on the breeze. I carry a lot of luggage in my heart. It’s a lot of the reason I’m eating. I know this. I’ve been able to iron out what I think are the problems for me as far as eating goes.

1. I love the taste of food
2. I’m bored as hell at work (literally nothing to do and no one hiring an obese woman for a new job... at least it seems that way)
3. Portion control is a problem

How do I fix those?

I struggle with the mental discipline to stop eating when suffering from number 1.

I don’t know what else to do at work when I’m bored (#2). I can’t use the phone, I can’t write, I can’t surf the internet. But since my boss is also obese (hence why I got the job… realize people aren’t hiring obese people these days… It was my only change for a job at the time) we have plenty of food around.

I suffer from number 3 when I’m at home and when Techie is around (Techie is my other half). His work schedule is different than mine so he eats much later, a thing I had managed to avoid for a long time. My last meal of the day was no later than 5 before. Now I find I’m eating with him at 8pm or so even if I’ve had a meal at 5pm.

Is it really that easy to just find the mental ability to stop doing the things that are plaguing me? Even if those three things are not the only things that are problematic with regards to eating, wouldn’t stopping just those, be beneficial too?

So why can’t I?

I am going to write out when I suffer from these things and what it is I do or feel that makes it okay to ignore them and just eat. Hopefully we’ll see a pattern so that I can turn this around. Hopefully soon. I don’t want to be a casualty of my weight, and I don’t want to be a statistic anymore. Lastly despite obesity becoming a hugely recognized problem, I still don’t want to suffer the ridicule that I suffer daily in glances and stares from people.

Let’s hope that this can be changed. Actually I think I will meditate on that tonight and pray on it too.

About me; Chapter 5

Oh my god, the big “c” word. I ran on auto pilot from one doctor to another with a very worried mother who told me “whatever needed to be done, we would do it”. In October of 2006 I had a hysterectomy, successfully removing the cancer that grew inside of me.

Now, 30 pounds lighter, having been rescued from death twice, I find I’m still falling easily into the old habits. Strange isn’t it? We’re given such glimpses of purpose whether it be through being saved, or just knowing someone. But it’s so easy to fall back in the same routine.

Where am I now? Well if I haven’t bored you to death just yet, I will tell you.

I met a man two months ago who seems to have a very wise spirit. He cares for me, loves me even, just as I am. But, he’s large too. So now, the plateau I was on is in danger of cracking and falling apart as I have no control myself. I’m getting older and losing weight will be harder.

I have love in my life.

But I still have weight to lose.

So what will I do?

That's what I'm here to find out.

About me; Chapter 4

In 2003 I finally had a divorce. I was free. But who would look at me now? I was 330 pounds, depressed and had become a recluse. I had a handful of friends left, and I could count those on one hand. I moved into my own place and began a life of deep solitude, turning my presence and energies into the internet where people wouldn’t judge me.

Sitting in front of the computer for years didn’t help either, nor did the medical problems that cropped up as a direct result of that. Two years ago (2005) I began to hemorrhage sporadically. No one knew why, all the doctors attributed it to my weight gain (it affected my hormonal cycles too). Ultrasounds etc produced no results. And money was tighter than ever. So I stopped going to the doctors. For two years I never left the house, afraid to go out and be stuck in the middle of an episode where I would hemorrhage uncontrollably. Twice I was rushed to the hospital but all tests came back ok. I was only diagnosed with anemia due to blood loss.

In 2006, I finally saw a doctor who put me through a crapton of tests. $2000 later, it was discovered that in my uterus, I had a tumor growing. It was the size of a grapefruit at the time of diagnosis.

Cancer...

About me; Chapter 3

At the age of 21 I had a stroke of sorts. I have a heart condition too that I didn’t know existed until then. It’s called ventricular tachycardia. For 6 months while I debated having a procedure to get rid of the cells causing the irregular heartbeat, I sat on my couch under the medication of two blood pressure lowering medicines. The resultant cocktail left me with no energy. Going to the bathroom was difficult as I just didn’t want to move. I gained quite a bit of weight then.

I decided when I was 22 to have the procedure as I couldn’t live my life like this. I had a very successful RF Ablation (this definition of it is used as an example of getting rid of cancer. However it can and often is used to treat this specific condition as well) which took care of most of the problem. I still have arrhythmia, but I’ll take it if I never have to have a stroke again.

By the time I was 24 my husband and I no longer even hugged. After having gone through what I went through medically we were financially strapped and emotionally tapped. Our marriage was failing but still we held on, the idea of divorce too much for us then.

I met a friend who turned me on to pot. She assured me it would help me relax. Strange isn’t it, the things we do? For 3 years I smoked Pot with a few friends. It took me all of those 3 years to get my eating while under the influence under control. I gained over 100 pounds during those years.

Depression, drugs, increased eating continued until I was 30. By then, I no longer had any semblance of the person I had been. I was withdrawn, obese, in a failed marriage, and going no where professionally. I finally decided I had to take some action. I quit smoking pot, and smoking cigarettes; I did this cold turkey and was successful. But in doing so I gained more weight (this time about 30 pounds).

About me; Chapter 2

I married the man who wrote those papers for me. It was a marriage that should never have been. One year into the marriage I knew that I was miserable. He wasn’t a bad man mind you, he just wasn’t the man for me. Being catholic we didn’t divorce, instead trying to work it out. It’s so bizarre the things your mind does to you when you are faced with situations you’re unfamiliar with.

I was a plus sized model at the time for a well known magazine. They wanted a size 18 and I was happy to do it, being happy with myself. Additionally, I was very popular with the young adult crowd. Late teens to mid 20’s, I had no problem talking to people and making them feel warm. I remember people would just pull up chairs and talk to me. It was nice, and yet sometimes hard too as my husband was sitting right there being ignored. I was so paranoid about being tempted to cheat (despite NEVER having cheated on anyone EVER before) and I was so miserable that in my depression I could only think of one thing to do to make sure I never cheated.

I became invisible.

I began to eat. Pretty soon people stopped looking, and as I began to withdraw from everyone including the husband who now had no interest in me, I just stopped talking or reaching out too.

Then came the shocker.

About me; Chapter 1

Hello,

You’ve stumbled upon my online home. I can’t promise anything worthwhile in here. But you’re welcome to read as I go along if you like and get to know me through my words.

At my worst weight, I was 364 pounds. I’m 35 (almost 36) and am 5’7”. I recently had surgery, a major operation to remove cancer. That surgery cost me dearly in many ways internally. The one upside of the surgery (not cancer related) is that it helped me start on a weight loss of 30 pounds. Since September of 2006, up until now (I still fluctuate on the last 30 pounds daily) I’ve lost almost 40 pounds. But I’ve hit a plateau.

I don’t remember when I was “fat” I just know I am now, and looking back can see that I have been for some time. The last time I can look back and say “I wasn’t fat” was when I was about 18. I’ve always been chubby, and I was fine with that. Health wise wearing a size 18 instead of a 12 didn’t bother me. I had no energy problems and no health problems.

My weight problems even though they didn’t really surface until my teens, started when I was a little girl. I was adopted. My birth mother denied me food and so it was when I came to my adopted mother, I began to hoard food. I was afraid it would never return. I probably over ate even back then, but I was very active so it wasn’t noticed.

I’ve never been the “popular” kid. I never fit into a group of people whose only motivation in life was to look beautiful for popularity’s sake. I wasn’t a slob either. I was somewhere in between. Once I graduated from high school we moved to a different place. The people were nicer albeit snottier (richer), but at least they were nicer.

I went to college, met a few guys, got serious with one… And then in my freshman year of college my sister died. I was no stranger to death, having lost my soul mate; my grandmother just 10 years earlier and several friends along the way too. But her death had a profound effect on me. I couldn’t function. I didn’t go to work for weeks; my then fiancé did all my papers for school for me because I couldn’t think. All I could do was keep on eating.

That was the start.

Overview

Overweight and Obesity
Overview from the CDC

Since the mid-seventies, the prevalence of overweight and obesity has increased sharply for both adults and children. Data from two NHANES surveys show that among adults aged 20–74 years the prevalence of obesity increased from 15.0% (in the 1976–1980 survey) to 32.9% (in the 2003–2004 survey). The two surveys also show increases in overweight among children and teens. For children aged 2–5 years, the prevalence of overweight increased from 5.0% to 13.9%; for those aged 6–11 years, prevalence increased from 6.5% to 18.8%; and for those aged 12–19 years, prevalence increased from 5.0% to 17.4%.

These increasing rates raise concern because of their implications for Americans’ health. Being overweight or obese increases the risk of many diseases and health conditions, including the following:

Hypertension
Dyslipidemia (for example, high total cholesterol or high levels of triglycerides)
Type 2 diabetes
Coronary heart disease
Stroke
Gallbladder disease
Osteoarthritis
Sleep apnea and respiratory problems
Some cancers (endometrial, breast, and colon)

Although one of the national health objectives for the year 2010 is to reduce the prevalence of obesity among adults to less than 15%, current data indicate that the situation is worsening rather than improving. This site provides a variety of information designed to help people understand this serious health issue and the efforts being made to address it.

~*~

Contributing Factors
Calorie Consumption

In America, a changing environment has broadened food options and eating habits. Grocery stores stock their shelves with a greater selection of products. Pre-packaged foods, fast food restaurants, and soft drinks are also more accessible. While such foods are fast and convenient they also tend to be high in fat, sugar, and calories. Choosing many foods from these areas may contribute to an excessive calorie intake. Some foods are marketed as healthy, low fat, or fat-free, but may contain more calories than the fat containing food they are designed to replace. It is important to read food labels for nutritional information and to eat in moderation.

Portion size has also increased. People may be eating more during a meal or snack because of larger portion sizes. This results in increased calorie consumption. If the body does not burn off the extra calories consumed from larger portions, fast food, or soft drinks, weight gain can occur.

How do portions today compare to portion sizes 20 years ago? The National Institutes of Health have developed a Web site with an interactive quiz called Portion Distortion! to inform people on the increasing portion sizes.

Choosing a variety of healthy foods in the correct portion sizes is helpful for achieving and maintaining a healthy weight. The Dietary Guidelines for Americans is a good resource to help people guide their dietary habits.